Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
