I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
