Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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