Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
