Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
