WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
