is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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