So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
