omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
