It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
