One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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