how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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