Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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