he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
two words...techno handjob
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
