i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
