Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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