she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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