My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
