An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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