I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
