Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
