We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
