Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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