I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
