Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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