i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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