I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
