Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
