Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
