so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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