I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
