So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
