I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
