i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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