I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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