I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
