every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
