There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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