She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
