everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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