I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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