I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
