i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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