omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
