Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
