Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
