I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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