i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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