I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
