Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
