i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
